Cold Turkey

Our relationship first budded some ten years ago, I suppose, and has been going strong ever since those magical first words, but in the past year, our love blossomed into something that few couples even dream about: a connection that is practically symbiotic in its unity, filled with passion and trust, excitement and comfort. Yes, I think it’s fair to say that over these past twelve months, the Internets and I had created an unbreakable bond; we relied on each other for everything. We told each other our innermost desires and deepest fears but also shared many a time of hearty laughter – the kind that makes your chest hurt and your eyes water. There was nary a moment that we were apart.

The Internets, however, is a fickle mistress.

I came to Rome and she abandoned me, like a puppy on the side of the road. Just up and left. I can only begin to express the feeling of losing someone so dear; it’s like a part of me was amputated, and then they took the amputated part and hit me over the head with it until I was dazed, confused, and left for dead with no access to Wikipedia or the Google. The horror.

Now whenever I want to spend even a little time with her, she makes me pay. It’s humiliating. This makes the little time I do have with her virtually unbearable, for I must go on with the knowledge that my pocket is being fleeced by the one I love. I stare longingly at her, and she just stares right back, mocking my sorrow and my pain by simply continuing on without me. I didn’t think it possible, but there she goes, as if nothing had happened! Her YouTube continues to have new videos, her blogs hum right along, and her the Facebook is constantly updated. All without my help or moral support!

I guess she never needed me. But I need her.

NO! Enough is enough! She can have her IMDb and eat it too. I’m finished. The Internets won’t have me to push around any more. I’m going cold turkey, starting right now. Except for email. And news. And blogs, if I have time. Ooh, sports scores. Them too. And only the occasional Wikipedia. But that’s it! Just those things, and the Facebook.

Now let’s see who’s jealous!